Recently I found myself in a friendship that was very trying on my spirit. I didn’t feel understood; almost as if we were speaking different languages.
What was most frustrating was that while I was learning her language, she didn’t care to learn mine at all. I thought maybe with time she would see the work I put into the relationship and want to return the favor, but she never did.
So I let the friendship go, but even in our parting I felt misunderstood.
I felt confident in the decision to no longer be friends, but I still regretted that she would never truly know me and that hit hard. I kept thinking of how I could express myself to her, how I could show her who I really was. I worried about what she would tell her friends and how she would portray me if she were talking about me. Then I realized it didn’t matter.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” // Galatians 1:10
So I turned to Christ because if anyone knows me at all its Him. He left His throne and became human to know me. He died so He could share in my suffering and lighten my burdens. He knows every detail about me and every feeling I have and most importantly, He cares. So I asked Him for reassurance. As usual, he showed me my heart.
“There is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.” // Romans 3:11
My heart is full of me. I was looking to Him for comfort, which is good and necessary; but how can I be secure in myself if I don’t know who made me?
So I must seek God. I must seek Him for him. I must scratch and dig and pull at His heart day after day simply because I love him. How often do I sit with God simply because I love him? According to Paul, never. I search His heart for the answers to myself, and this is okay. But if I were to search His heart to know who He is with intentions void of me I would have no need to think about me because I would disappear into His love. There would no longer be a question of if He knows me because He would be all I could see.
Instagram: @al_steele // Twitter: @tweetsofsteele
Hi! I’m Alex, I’m from New Orleans, and I’m in nursing school at The University of Southern Mississippi. When I’m not learning to save lives I enjoy playing around with my camera, hanging in my hammock, running (only when it’s over), exploring the depths of Spotify, and writing. Some other favorite things of mine are my dog Beaux, the sun, coffee, outside, Taco Bell, Taylor Swift, my friends, snowballs, and of course, Jesus. I’ve found that being present for others and listening to them and meeting them where they are is my favorite way to love Jesus because that’s how he loves us. I’m so thankful for this opportunity to write with Delight, and I can’t wait to share in Christ’s love with the Delight community!