I met up with church leaders last night at a local coffee shop for discipleship expecting to be talking about our personal lives and encouraging them with the best words I can give out. I have been discipling young people, older people, new believers, baby christians and leaders for more than 4 years now. I was a "Christian" my whole life but encountered Christ on my sophomore year in college. I had visions of teaching to crowds proclaiming the gospel of Jesus, dreamed of REVIVAL for many churches in our province here in Bataan, Philippines.
Before graduating I was all sold out for Jesus, I said, "Lord, just let me pass my licensure exam and I'm all yours. I'm more than willing to give up my profession for you." I became a registered nurse on my first take and searched for a good bible school. I wanted to be a pastor and care for the church. But God didn't open doors for me. I started asking "Lord, why can't I enter a bible school? Why is it that every time I attempt to enroll in one something comes up?" Through His scriptures, God said: "Understand what I'm telling you". Pastoring is a noble call, but God has a specific calling for me.
There was a time in college where it dragged me to wake up and go to school. I hated Nursing. I started questioning myself why I even picked that course. I attempted so many times to get out of school and transfer to another, but yet again, God didn't allow me to.
The real challenge for me was when I graduated college was that I had so many options, so many open doors that I could take. I held my own time, no curriculum to follow, classes to attend to. I could do whatever I wanted. But the question was, "Lord, where?"
For over a year, I was so busy wondering how I would live a life that will please the Lord. What He really wanted me to do, how He wanted me to serve Him. My Pastor gave me a bigger task of leading young professionals, some of them are already married and have kids, but at the same time, still watching over the younger generations. In my attempt of moving in my own strength, I got worn out, frustrated and hopeless. I was traumatized by people and their responses.
I was done with ministry. I was ready to leave it all behind and focus on my personal life. But while in that process, I felt lost, confused and without purpose. Breakthroughs in prayer and scripture reading became harder and harder. Temptations were harder to overcome. And I was reminded by my Pastor that I was being sidetracked, losing the vision and calling God has given me in my life. I lost passion, burden and care for souls. How was I supposed to lead His people?
After a few months of working at the coffee shop God made me realize something. Nursing is also my calling. As a Nurse I assist people in entering this life, catering to their needs while they're here, and assisting them in their way to eternity. That is service. God's call is not just within the campus, the church, or the people you may know. God's call for your life is massive, it extends from one life to another. I had the desire to write for Jesus because I believe that at least someone somewhere around the world had the questions I had and the situations I've been through. And I thank Delight Ministries for giving me the opportunity to glorify Christ in my writings through this platform and to be able to reach out to people I've never met before or ever will.
And so there I was last night with these leaders. Leaders who in their younger days were blazing for Christ, but because of life and the events that occurred, they lost site of the vision, the burden for this generation, some might have been tired of their personal issues and life situations. But while we eat, drink and talk about these things, a questioned popped up "Lord, when are you going to use us again and how?"
Reading 1 Timothy and 2 Timothy, you'll find that Paul taught with wisdom. That our walk in Christ is not always about waiting for a sign to pop out of nowhere. But God gave us the mind to make rational decisions. Is God showing you a vision? A desire to reach out the people in your community or campus? Do you see the things that needs to be addressed? Is God knocking in your heart to make a difference in an individual life? What career are you in or pursuing? Find out why God placed you there.
What sign are you still waiting for? Are you still lost in translation? It's already a go signal from Him. Solomon said that a farmer who waits for the perfect weather never gets to plant. You will get the things you need in the journey while on the road. Just have faith in Christ. Carry out that vision, dream and mission that God has given you. Great things came from humble beginnings.
Today, I believe that God allowed these leaders and I to feel detached from Him and His call because in order to fulfill the vision of REVIVAL in our province, we ourselves need to be revived first. And just as Jesus Christ was raised from the dead, these dry bones will live again to be an army that will awaken a sleeping generation.
"The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner
- Kaye // @kayeohilveare