There is an old hymn - its words so challenging (and at times infuriating) - that as of late, has been taking up residency in the gorges of my mind.
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word,
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, "Thus saith the Lord!
It's this tune - this catchy little "I'm going to get so stuck in your head that you walk around your office like a singing idiot" tune - that has lurched me into a constant reevaluation of the way we categorize taste.
There have been times in my life when the fluffy words of this hymn have been in direct opposition to the very real and human thoughts that have floated around my mind.
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus? Then why does life sometimes taste so sour?
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus? Then why does He keep letting people pour salt in my wounds?
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus? Then why do I feel like I'm growing bitter?
More than once, the sheer act of relinquishing control, being at my rope's end and throwing my hands up to the sky to say, "Okay. Okay, I give up. This is Yours. I trust You," was any and everything but sweet. For a control freak and compulsive fixer like me, there is actually nothing naturally sweet about handing over the reins.
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus? Pass the Stevia please.
I know that I'm not the only one who falls into this category. I know that I'm not the only person in the entire world -- or even just in the Delight Community -- who's been in this boat once or twice before. And I think we should be honest about it.
Now don't get me wrong. I love this hymn. I love it because I get it. I get that in the end, trusting Jesus is always the best option. I get that He can do immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine and that He is far more capable of fixing and controlling than I ever will be. But the reality is - at least for me - this truth does not change the very-human gut reaction to trusting when all I want to do is take matters into my own hands and also use my hands to find the answer and solution to all of my problems right now. Am I right?
And so for me, while I'm singing these words with my mouth, my mind is really thinking:
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Help me to remember Your word,
Humble me to rest upon Your promise,
Seriously, I am a control-freak and need You to break me, Lord
And the prayer that goes along with that?
It's kind of jumbled. It's usually a long list of praise and gratitude followed by a (maybe even longer) list of continual requests for the Holy Spirit to help me to trust. Sometimes I pray that the Holy Spirit would teach me to trust and sometimes when I'm really down and out, I pray that the Holy Spirit would trust for me.
I think that's the sweet part, sisters. I think that's when the promise of Romans 15:13 jumps straight off the thin and tattered pages of our Bibles and becomes a tangible blessing in our lives. I think when we fight through the sour and the salty and the bitter – we arrive humbled at the feet of our Savior and He blesses us with the sweet.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
How do you enable yourself to trust? How do you deal with the sour, salty and bitter parts of relinquishing control so that you can arrive at the sweet part with our Savior?
-Diana Palka // @dianapalka