You're Far too Beautiful to Leave Me

Why we do we fall into the same sins? Why do we sound like broken records when we confess our sins to God? 

Repeating the same words

Repeating the same words

Repeating the same words

Over and over like there is nothing new to get addicted to or nothing new to hate.

We are creatures of habit.

I commit these same sins. I wander around the dark valley. I wonder how I got here. I get sick of it. I talk to God again. He listens. I catch some bit of motivation and I run fast and hard to the top of the mountain. Sometimes I get there quickly, sometimes it takes longer; but eventually I get there. And I stand on top thanking Him for His love and looking around at the beauty of His heart.  I roll around in the flowers He planted and I bathe in the warm sunshine and I let the cool breeze refresh me and I’m happy. Then I realize where I am, higher up, closer to Him. I look at my feet to assure myself of where I am.

I notice myself glowing in the sunshine.

I’m not looking up anymore, I'm looking at myself. I continue to walk around the mountaintop and explore. I stub my toe because I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings. I was looking at myself.  It kind of hurts but I continue on. I wander around the mountaintop looking up if something makes a sound or catches my attention.  I continue wandering, but now I'm just sorting of walking around and not skipping or jumping as I was when I first got up here. It’s easier to watch myself when I’m moving slowly. On I walk still looking at myself. My glow gradually begins to fade under the cover of the trees, but I don’t notice. I’ve wandered down the mountain. The trees are thick overhead and there’s not much light. I keep walking, I’m doing fine. Look at me, look at where I am.

Look where I’ve ended up. I wander around the dark valley. I wonder how I got here.

Why am I repeating the same words?

Because I am weak. I take my eyes off of His sunshine for one moment to see the glow on my skin and I get distracted. One moment is too long. I am already at the bottom of the mountain. I’m selfish and I’m weak and I fall back into lies that tell me that I'm okay on my own and that worldly things will fill my heart just fine; and I fall.

But God is faithful. God is sunshine. God is mountaintops. 

“Heaven knows I’m prone to leave the only God I should’ve loved, and yet You’re far too beautiful to leave me.”

- Alex // @al_steele