In introducing myself to you all through my first blog post for Delight, I can’t think of a better way of doing so than by telling you about how God is re-introducing himself to me these days.
Here is what’s really mind blowing about God: we can be a devoted follower of The Lord every day of our lives, but there will always be more to know about God. Always! We can never learn everything there is to know about him – he is infinite. I am in awe just thinking about it. But let me be very clear about something here: God is continually revealing new parts of himself to us through our seeking, but that does not mean he’s changing. God is infinitely the same God; he’s just that big that you can never come to the end of him. Hallelujah.
Recently, God is re-introducing himself to me as a trustworthy dream-keeper. He’s teaching me that he is a safe place, and that he wants to dream with me. This characteristic of God is really beautiful, but how I got introduced to this new name for God was anything but beautiful. It actually brought out an ugly, stubborn side of me. It uncovered a lot of my fear and unbelief, and for a while I stiff-armed this side of God. It was clear that somewhere along the way, I believed this false narrative that if I gave my dreams to God and relinquished control, there was a good chance those dreams wouldn’t happen. For a long time, I couldn’t imagine giving up my dreams for God’s dreams either, considering they were MY dreams. I didn’t think he cared enough to make them happen anyway… or worse, I would end up being shamed by him for even dreaming what I did because my dreams and his dreams weren’t the same, and I wouldn’t end up liking what he had for me. I was so scared of being disappointed by God that I quit dreaming altogether.
This realization was heartbreaking, but groundbreaking.
Jesus pointed at those insecurities and said, “There… Let’s go right there and camp out for a little bit. You haven’t ever let me into that part of your heart before.”
My first response: Nope. No thank you.
My second response (days later): …fine. But this isn’t going to be pretty.
“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
I learned a quick lesson right off the bat: when God invites you into restoration, he’s not expecting you to make the restoration happen. That’s his job. We have to be so quick to remind ourselves of that truth when God asks us to press in to sin and brokenness, because if we don’t, the Enemy will sneak in and steer us away from being sanctified. The Enemy will make us think it’s our battle to fight, when instead The Lord only asks us to stand firm in the truth, humble ourselves in prayer and repent. We have to believe that these disciplines are enough and leave the heavy lifting to him.
“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
After weeks of what has felt like open-heart surgery, we get to today. God’s still reconfiguring, removing, and replacing my fears of disappointment with truths about who he is. And that’s okay because true healing is taking place. But like most major surgeries, there are stages of recovery. Recovery takes time, patience, and grace for full healing to come to fruition.
As much as I wanted a quick, pain-free fix to my trust issues with The Lord, that route would be like putting an Band-Aid on top of my split open chest and getting pushed out the hospital doors. But God doesn’t want a quick fix. He wants to get to the root of the issue. It can be painful, but I’ve found that when we give ourselves the grace to be weak in our brokenness while we give God room to be masterful in his craft of healing, we come out of surgery stronger than before.
“That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:10
When we dream with The Father, our hearts become aligned. We spend less time getting lost in wonder and fear about if our dreams are ever going to happen because by taking the time to let The Lord mend our trust in him, we can see how he’s knitting our hearts with the Kingdom’s heart. We can learn what it looks like to not be scared to believe in our dreams, no matter how big or small they are. I am confident in my trustworthy, dream-keeping Father. He longs to bless and rejoice with his daughters and sons for the Kingdom’s sake.
“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Maddy // @__maaaddy