Where Do You Find Your Delight?
Lately, God has been teaching me about my identity in Christ. Whether it's through a song or a Bible verse, He's been placing the topic of identity all around me.
See, for as long as I can remember, I've had low self-esteem; from my pre-teen years up until a couple years ago, I had never really been comfortable in my own skin. While I'm pretty comfortable in who I am now, what I hadn't realized was how much I relied on others to tell me my worth. I started seeing just how much people's approval meant to me when I would suddenly get disappointed if people didn't compliment my new shoes or my new hairstyle, or if people didn't praise me for answering that difficult question in class. If I didn't get comments or a ton of likes on the picture that I spent so long editing, it would really bother me.
It started to become an obsession: I was looking to other people to define my worth. I was taking delight in what others thought about me, rather than in God and what He thinks about me.
Since graduating from college and moving back home last month, there was a feeling that I wasn't able to shake up until a couple weeks ago. The feeling of loneliness and unimportance was so prevalent in my life, and unfortunately, it caused me to spiral into an “identity crisis.” While it probably wasn't evident on the outside, I would question myself and doubt myself so often. I would constantly ask God what was wrong with me, and wonder why I felt like I didn't measure up or matter here. That was until I realized that I was still relying on others to tell me who I was. When someone didn't recognize or acknowledge me or give me the attention I hoped for, automatically something would go off in my head that would tell me I didn't matter. That I wasn't enough.
The lies rang true in my mind – even though I knew they were only lies – to the point that I would be in a funk the whole day, go to sleep upset and wake up anxious. This became my weekly routine until a couple weeks ago, I decided to do something about it.
We live in a world where approval is the goal. We desire praise from anyone for anything we do, and when we don't receive that praise, we'll do anything in order to receive it. We look to the likes we get on a picture to tell us who we are, and when we don't get as many likes as we hoped for, it does something to our self-esteem. How crazy is that??
We try and find our delight in everything other than God, and that's where the problem lies. God revealed this truth to me, but like the good Father He is, He showed me a way out. He showed me that in order to crush the lies, I needed to get in the Word; I needed to spend time with God and listen for His voice instead of listening to the world.
The thing is, it can be so easy to feel less than; it seems like there's always something to compare yourself to, but I want to encourage you to turn to something else for delight. It's something that's constant, not fleeting like an app that's here one day and gone the next. It's something that actually matters. During this past couple of weeks, God has really been teaching me how to find my worth in Him and who He says I am.
The Bible says, "take delight in the Lord," not in what that person said, or how many followers I have, or how many compliments I got.
Oftentimes, we forget that we're not living this life for people; we're not even living this life for ourselves. We're living this life for God. So why does it matter so much what others think when we're meant to live this life for an audience of One, Who by the way, has already approved of you. He thinks so highly of you, so it's time to start taking delight in Him and letting Him speak His truth over you.
"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." // Psalm 37:4
Itunu Aromolaran // @itunu_aro