Why Marriage Is Not Your Mission

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Marriage isn't God's mission for you; this is something I've had on my heart since years ago and still struggle with now. Marriage is a sacred adventure, saturated with countless opportunities to shine the love of God. As a young woman in a sexualized world, how do you "bide your time" till that day? The answer is: you don't.

Please sister, stop looking out your window pretending his car is going to arrive. Have you washed your pillow since the last time you cried yourself sick, wishing you were trapped in his arms? (It sounds like you might be already.) There is freedom is in Christ, dear. I’m not going to tell you the guy you’re dreaming of isn’t worth it, that you’ll forget about him one day, or that you need to take a break from dating. Even if you do marry this dream-man, you’re not going to speed up that process by drawing in the sand the monogram you wish you had. God made you as a woman with feelings, but the Lord has not called you to covetousness, lustfulness, laziness, or ungratefulness. Some of the most beautiful days of your life are fading each time you sign your name with his last.

Being in heaven isn’t a feeling in a relationship. It’s an undeserved home that the Father gives to his children. Let’s spend our time well before we get there, shall we?

News flash: you don’t have to be married to behave like a Proverbs 31 woman. Develop yourself in every way now. I want you to think about the last time you felt a sweet thrill from something worthy you accomplished. (For myself, it was finding out I’d been chosen to write for Delight, though God truly gets any glory for that.) Remember what makes you smile. Yes, I mean staining your hands with watercolors, littering your desk in business ideas, getting covered in a dusting of flour, or researching that scientific topic you’re not afraid to nerd out about because it’s awesome! Submit that article you’ve been drafting in your head (and then rework it and resubmit 10 more times)! I applaud you if you’re baking cookies (unless you made oatmeal raisin- eat chocolate ones). Grab a crystal vase for the dandelions you found. Learn to play “Moonlight Sonata” on the piano. Dance in the rain. Eat ice cream in the winter. Buy the red lipstick. March in that rally, attend that political debate, and remind yourself that 100 years ago, you couldn’t vote; act like it. Find a neighbor and treat them like you want to be treated. Catch the thrill of your passion and chase it!

Maybe you’re not in a season where you can pursue your hobbies freely. Perhaps you’re a full-time student or employee. Focus on ways to develop as a woman in areas that matter to the world. It’s okay to make your way in it if you do so in a Godly way; Then you'll really stand out since you won’t be “of it”. Crafting your professionalism will make you more marketable while enhancing your communication powers. Done that blazer Meagan Markle would want, listen to podcasts, and learn to put others first through the tactics of customer service. If you’re in college, play “Hermione” and remember you don’t get another shot at these academic years; treasure them! “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the LORD, not for human masters,” Colossians 3:23 says. Delight in your work; whether you're the girl filing forms, the lady scrubbing food-crusted dishes, the student in a test, or the woman doing all three! You’re working for God.

Finally, whether you're living your dreams, boosting your career, or pursuing a degree, if you’re a Child of God you’re also growing spiritually. The Proverbs 31 woman is praised because she fears God (see verse 30). Now that you remember what makes you smile, use it to make God smile. How does “Christ-like” describe you? Befriend a widow in your church. Are you a gifted teacher? Maybe teach a Bible class. Be the mentor you never got. Dedicate each morning to God. Read or listen to the Word. I dare you to go on a missions trip. Journal, listing the blessings you have. Drown in thankfulness. Only live in a manner worthy of Christ.

Every hobby, job, or service you complete must further the mission of God.

The Lord is interested in using you right now, not after your left hand is heavy with a diamond. The Lord hasn’t called you to be a Cinderella bride. He’s calling you to be a Cinderella servant. Philippians 2:7 preaches, “rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Don’t focus on being a princess. The mission of God is to show others his glory, bringing them into his kingdom.

Proverbs 31:10 declares, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." Ladies, we aren't called to be coveting rings. We are living jewels! Let's focus on living in the moment, chasing our God-given passions, and shining like rubies in the sunlight! The Lord is shaping us into brilliant, precious women now! We all like romantic endings so let me finish with, "Then one day, should that man kneel down with a velvet box in hand, he won't just be giving you a jewel; He'll be embracing one designed by the greatest craftsman in the universe. The mission of that marriage will be God.”

Ireland Kost // @little.island


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A Junior at Columbia International University, Ireland E. Kost is double majoring in Teacher Education and Bible with a minor in Music. When she isn't studying, you might catch her dancing, drawing, sipping chia tea, or writing short stories (past midnight) for everyone. Professionally, Ireland works in the admissions office at CIU, promoting her school, planning events, and recruiting students. She is thrilled to be writing as a Delight blog contributor this season while developing as an author. Additionally, Ireland choregraphs and teachers ballet for children. She's a native of sunny Columbia, South Carolina.