I'm Learning

In between evening dog walks and golden light on pine trees; new morning routines and tracing bumblebee-yellow pills before swallowing them down; harsh criticisms over email that make you want to sob your heart out and no sign of that promotion coming anytime soon – I’m learning. 

I’m learning God matters most.

I’m learning He cares about all the little things.

I’m learning my “failures” are His chapters of redemption-coming.

I’m learning my pretending-to-be-brave face should just get thrown in the trash.

I’m learning I can’t be everything to everyone, and no, not everyone will like me.

And that’s ok.

Winter has turned into greener days, and the sun hangs longer in our blue atmosphere before stretching across the sky to dip into the horizon. Times change, life grows, beauty blossoms—it’s all happening, and it’s all new.

It’s all at once: the heat waves rolling in warmer and warmer, the flowers peaking up from their once-hidden stance, and all snowsuits tucked away in cardboard boxes.

I’m learning.

That my life, too, changes all the time. I just have to look around every once and a while. I need the soul-sister get-togethers and big, big dreaming. I need early morning devotional time and sermons playing on my iPod while I run around the block. I need little God moments and the ear to hear what He says when I ask Him the questions I almost don’t want the answers to.

Because it all shows me: I’m changing. I’m learning. I’m growing.

We don’t stay stagnant, beloved. I’m seeing 2 Corinthians 3:18 real and live in my life: I am being transformed from glory to glory. Where I thought God was done, so over-it and had given up — He was actually just transitioning. He was just writing the chapter that needed to be written so the next one can exist.

No, it’s not to punish us. No, it’s not because we aren’t worthy. It’s because He loves us way too much to let us stay the same. He chose nail-pierced hands and death on a cross instead of us never experiencing the closer-than-our-skin Holy Spirit in all and everything.

My relationship with God is ever-changing, a flowing river at times and a dry desert other times. While my days can be unpredictable and the weariness can trudge on, He never changes. He is constant.

And I am learning that this journey is just the beginning of an eternity-story waiting to be told, and that is more than ok with me. I’m learning that as chapters close, new ones open and I usually don’t even realize it.

Seasons change, beauty erupts like wildfire and His love dances around us— giddy with delight. In all and everything.

We just have to look for Him.

We just have to stop, and we’ll surely see.

-Christine Vezarov // @thisbechristine